A Color of His Own

A devotion based on the book written by Leo Lionni

“I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14

I read the book A Color of His Own many many times to my children when they were little and even though I read it probably 100 times, it really spoke to me in a different way one day. I was searching for books in the basement that I could incorporate at the ranch or in support group that maybe I could tie in a “deeper” meaning to healing. Healing from any type of trauma or sexual abuse.

This story is about a little chameleon who feels sad because he keeps changing colors depending on where he is. He wants a color of his own. Something familiar and something that feels like him. A color that would make him feel like himself.

As I thought about it, healing from sexual trauma can feel a lot like that. Sometimes trauma causes us to lose pieces of ourselves or makes us feel different. Our identity changes when something happens to us or even when we walk into a room and feel like we are being labelled as something we are not. We learn to hide parts of who we are to survive. We become who we think people need us to be. I did this all the time with my family. We try to stay small, quiet, careful, strong, invisible. Whatever felt safest at the time. After a while, it can become hard to remember who we were before the hurt. We lose ourselves in events or trials in all years of our lives. When we are kids, if something bad happens before we know it we aren’t quite sure what happened and start to ask ourselves: “who am I” or “what should I be?” Our identities get hijacked by some evil sin that someone else decided to do.

But one thing God keeps reminding me is this:

He still knows who we are. Before the trauma. Before the shame. Before the fear.
Even before the lies we started believing about ourselves.

God created each one of us on purpose, for a purpose, with love and care. What happened to us does not change our worth. It does not erase the person God made us to be. One of my favorite parts of the story is when the chameleon meets another chameleon, and they walk through life together. They still change colors, but now they aren’t alone anymore. I think healing can look like that too. We may still have hard days. We may still be figuring ourselves out. But healing happens when we are surrounded by safe people who remind us we are not alone and not forgotten.

I think God’s love gives us permission to become ourselves again. Not who trauma shaped us into. Not who shame tells us we are. But who God says we are: loved, wanted, valuable, whole… even while healing. Sometimes being ourselves again feels scary because trauma taught us it’s not safe. But God is gentle with us. He doesn’t rush us. He walks with us as we slowly rediscover our voice, our identity, our joy, and our peace. God meets us exactly where we are. And maybe healing is not becoming a completely different person. Maybe it’s finally realizing we were worthy of love all along and God made us who He wanted us to be!!!

 

God,
Thank You for loving us exactly as we are. Thank You for seeing the parts of us that are hurting and staying close to us through it all. Help us let go of shame and remind us that our trauma does not define us. Teach us how to feel safe being ourselves again. Help us trust that we are still valuable, still beautiful, and still deeply loved by You. Bring healing to the places in us that still ache and surround us with people who help us feel seen, safe, and supported.
Amen.

 

When have you found yourself “changing” colors to “fit in” instead of “sticking out?”

How has God showed you He loves you just the way you are?

 

 

A Color of His Own